Interlinked Wiki - User contributions [en]

Sporks:Movie night

2022-01-10T16:56:14Z

Sroracle: soylent green

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Night !! Film !! Director
|-
| #1 || [[wikipedia:Videodrome|''Videodrome'' (1983)]] || [[wikipedia:David Cronenberg|David Cronenberg]]
|-
| || [[wikipedia:The Room|''The Room'' (2003)]] || [[wikipedia:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]]
|-
| #2 || [[wikipedia:Existenz|''eXistenZ'' (1999)]] || [[wikipedia:David Cronenberg|David Cronenberg]]
|-
| || [[wikipedia:Super Troopers|''Super Troopers'' (2001)]] || [[wikipedia:Jay Chandrasekhar|Jay Chandrasekhar]]
|-
| #3 || [[wikipedia:Event Horizon (film)|''Event Horizon'' (1997)]] || [[wikipedia:Paul W. S. Anderson|Paul W. S. Anderson]]
|-
| || [[wikipedia:The Hunt for Red October (film)|''The Hunt for Red October'' (1990)]] || [[wikipedia:John McTiernan|John McTiernan]]
|-
| #4 || [[wikipedia:In the Mouth of Madness|''In the Mouth of Madness'' (1994)]] || [[wikipedia:John Carpenter|John Carpenter]]
|-
| || [[wikipedia:True Stories (film)|''True Stories'' (1986)]] || [[wikipedia:David Byrne|David Byrne]]
|-
| #5 || [[wikipedia:Cube (film)|''Cube'' (1997)]] || [[wikipedia:Vincenzo Natali|Vincenzo Natali]]
|-
| || [[wikipedia:Synecdoche, New York|''Synecdoche, New York'' (2008)]] || [[wikipedia:Charlie Kaufman|Charlie Kaufman]]
|-
| #6 || [[wikipedia:Sphere (1998 film)|''Sphere'' (1998)]] || [[wikipedia:Barry Levinson|Barry Levinson]]
|-
| || [[wikipedia:Zardoz|''Zardoz'' (1974)]] || [[wikipedia:John Boorman|John Boorman]]
|-
| #7 || [[wikipedia:Stargate (film)|''Stargate'' (1994)]] || [[wikipedia:Roland Emmerich|Roland Emmerich]]
|-
| || [[wikipedia:Spirited Away|''Spirited Away'' (2001)]] || [[wikipedia:Hayao Miyazaki|Hayao Miyazaki]]
|-
| #8 || [[wikipedia:They Live|''They Live'' (1988)]] || [[wikipedia:John Carpenter|John Carpenter]]
|-
| || [[wikipedia:Paprika (film)|''Paprika'' (2006)]] || [[wikipedia:Satoshi Kon|Satoshi Kon]]
|-
| #9 || [[wikipedia:2001: A Space Odyssey (film)|''2001: A Space Odyssey'' (1968)]] || [[wikipedia:Stanley Kubrick|Stanley Kubrick]]
|-
| #10 || [[wikipedia:Dr. Strangelove|''Dr. Strangelove'' (1964)]] || [[wikipedia:Stanley Kubrick|Stanley Kubrick]]
|-
| #11 || [[wikipedia:Dark Star|''Dark Star'' (1974)]] || [[wikipedia:John Carpenter|John Carpenter]]
|-
| || [[wikipedia:5 Centimeters per Second|''5 Centimeters per Second'' (2007)]] || [[wikipedia:Makoto Shinkai|Makoto Shinkai]]
|-
| #12 || [[wikipedia:Howl's Moving Castle (film)|''Howl's Moving Castle'' (2004)]] || [[wikipedia:Hayao Miyazaki|Hayao Miyazaki]]
|-
| #13 || [[wikipedia:My Neighbor Totoro|''My Neighbor Totoro'' (1988)]] || [[wikipedia:Hayao Miyazaki|Hayao Miyazaki]]
|-
| #14 || [[wikipedia:Princess Mononoke|''Princess Mononoke'' (1997)]] || [[wikipedia:Hayao Miyazaki|Hayao Miyazaki]]
|-
| #15 || [[wikipedia:Kiki's Delivery Service|''Kiki's Delivery Service'' (1989)]] || [[wikipedia:Hayao Miyazaki|Hayao Miyazaki]]
|-
| #16 || [[wikipedia:Lost Highway (film)|''Lost Highway'' (1997)]] || [[wikipedia:David Lynch|David Lynch]]
|-
| #17 || [[wikipedia:Clue (film)|''Clue'' (1985)]] || [[wikipedia:Jonathan Lynn|Jonathan Lynn]]
|-
| #18 || [[wikipedia:Akira (1988 film)|''Akira'' (1988)]] || [[wikipedia:Katsuhiro Otomo|Katsuhiro Otomo]]
|-
| #19 || [[wikipedia:Knives Out|''Knives Out'' (2019)]] || [[wikipedia:Rian Johnson|Rian Johnson]]
|-
| #20 || [[wikipedia:Hot Fuzz|''Hot Fuzz'' (2007)]] || [[wikipedia:Edgar Wright|Edgar Wright]]
|-
| #21 || [[wikipedia:Contact (1997 American film)|''Contact'' (1997)]] || [[wikipedia:Robert Zemeckis|Robert Zemeckis]]
|-
| #22 || [[wikipedia:Alien (film)|''Alien'' (1979)]] || [[wikipedia:Ridley Scott|Ridley Scott]]
|-
| #23 || [[wikipedia:Moon (film)|''Moon'' (2009)]] || [[wikipedia:Duncan Jones|Duncan Jones]]
|-
| #24 || [[wikipedia:Moonraker (film)|''Moonraker'' (1979)]] || [[wikipedia:Lewis Gilbert|Lewis Gilbert]]
|-
| #25 || [[wikipedia:Citizen Kane|''Citizen Kane'' (1941)]] || [[wikipedia:Orson Welles|Orson Welles]]
|-
| #26 || [[wikipedia:The Matrix|''The Matrix'' (1999)]] || [[wikipedia:The Wachowskis|Lana Wachowski and Lilly Wachowski]]
|-
| #27 || [[wikipedia:The Net (1995 film)|''The Net'' (1995)]] || [[wikipedia:Irwin Winkler|Irwin Winkler]]
|-
| #28 || [[wikipedia:Sneakers (1992 film)|''Sneakers'' (1992)]] || [[wikipedia:Phil Alden Robinson|Phil Alden Robinson]]
|-
| #29 || [[wikipedia:Colossus: The Forbin Project|''Colossus: The Forbin Project'' (1970)]] || [[wikipedia:Joseph Sargent|Joseph Sargent]]
|-
| #30 || [[wikipedia:The Andromeda Strain (film)|''The Andromeda Strain'' (1971)]] || [[wikipedia:Robert Wise|Robert Wise]]
|-
| #31 || [[wikipedia:WarGames|''WarGames'' (1983)]] || [[wikipedia:John Badham|John Badham]]
|-
| #32 || [[wikipedia:The Martian (film)|''The Martian'' (2015)]] || [[wikipedia:Ridley Scott|Ridley Scott]]
|-
| #33 || [[wikipedia:Independence Day (1996 film)|''Independence Day'' (1996)]] || [[wikipedia:Roland Emmerich|Roland Emmerich]]
|-
| #34 || [[wikipedia:Silent Running|''Silent Running'' (1972)]] || [[wikipedia:Douglas Trumbull|Douglas Trumbull]]
|-
| #35 || [[wikipedia:Tron|''TRON'' (1982)]] || [[wikipedia:Steven Lisberger|Steven Lisberger]]
|-
| #36 || [[wikipedia:Gravity (2013 film)|''Gravity'' (2013)]] || [[wikipedia:Alfonso Cuarón|Alfonso Cuarón]]
|-
| #37 || [[wikipedia:Brazil (1985 film)|''Brazil'' (1985)]] || [[wikipedia:Terry Gilliam|Terry Gilliam]]
|-
| #38 || [[wikipedia:Salyut 7 (film)|''Salyut 7'' (2017)]] || [[wikipedia:Klim Shipenko|Klim Shipenko]]
|-
| #39 || [[wikipedia:Russian Ark|''Russian Ark'' (2002)]] || [[wikipedia:Alexander Sokurov|Alexander Sokurov]]
|-
| #40 || [[wikipedia:Big Trouble in Little China|''Big Trouble in Little China'' (1986)]] || [[wikipedia:John Carpenter|John Carpenter]]
|-
| #41 || [[wikipedia:Soylent Green|''Soylent Green'' (1973)]] || [[wikipedia:Richard Fleischer|Richard Fleischer]]
|-
|}

Sporks:Movie night

2021-11-07T15:24:44Z

Sroracle: big trouble

Sporks:Movie night

2021-10-10T04:04:23Z

Sroracle: russian ark

Sporks:Movie night

2021-10-04T17:51:09Z

Sroracle: night #38

Sporks:Movie night

2021-08-22T22:22:46Z

Sroracle: brazil

Sporks:Movie night

2021-08-01T17:02:24Z

Sroracle: gravity

Sporks:Movie night

2021-07-25T17:40:10Z

Sroracle: tron

Sporks:Movie night

2021-07-13T13:56:55Z

Sroracle: silent running

Sporks:Movie night

2021-07-04T03:04:23Z

Sroracle: independence day

Sporks:Movie night

2021-06-28T03:07:10Z

Sroracle: the martian

Sporks:Movie night

2021-06-20T02:59:44Z

Sroracle: wargames

Sporks:Movie night

2021-06-13T02:33:51Z

Sroracle: andromeda strain

Sporks:Movie night

2021-06-07T04:29:38Z

Sroracle: colossus & typography fixes

Sporks:Movie night

2021-05-20T21:46:41Z

Sroracle: night #26

Sporks:Movie night

2021-05-20T21:44:54Z

Sroracle: fix link typo for orson welles

Sporks:Movie night

2021-05-02T18:11:37Z

Sroracle: add night #13.5 and #23

Sporks:Movie night

2021-04-25T16:59:03Z

Sroracle: add night #22

Sporks:Movie night

2021-04-18T02:11:20Z

Sroracle: add night #21

Sporks:Movie night

2021-03-07T03:39:34Z

Sroracle: #19-20

Sporks:Movie night

2021-02-21T04:35:30Z

Sroracle: add year for 5cm/s

Sporks:Movie night

2021-02-21T04:34:38Z

Sroracle: #16-18

Sporks:Movie night

2021-01-20T02:05:05Z

Sroracle:

Sporks:Movie night

2021-01-20T00:10:09Z

Sroracle: more movies

Sporks:Movie night

2020-12-06T20:12:52Z

Sroracle: night #10

Sporks:Movie night

2020-11-29T08:12:58Z

Sroracle: night #9

Sporks:Movie night

2020-11-24T22:26:40Z

Sroracle: night #8

Sporks:Movie night

2020-11-15T07:06:57Z

Sroracle: add night #7

Sporks:Movie night

2020-11-08T18:12:26Z

Sroracle: night #6

Sporks:Movie night

2020-10-31T19:25:27Z

Sroracle: add night #5

Sporks:Movie night

2020-10-11T02:15:25Z

Sroracle: Created page with "{| class="wikitable" |- ! Night !! Film !! Director |- | #1 || ''Videodrome'' (1983) || wikipedia:David Cronenberg| |- | || wikipedia:The Room|'..."

Sporks:GNU's Not Windows

2020-09-08T09:29:15Z

Sroracle: breadcrumb

<pre>
GNU's Not Windows
A horrifying fanfic by Elizabeth Myers

FOREWORD

I already said much of what I want to say in the foreword to The Anti-Patent
Clause. I can add little to that, other than all trilogies need a satisfying
ending.

This is the long overdue conclusion of a three-part series of fanfics.

Sorry, but I'm not sorry.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 1: The Executive

Paul Allen was sitting at his desk at Microsoft, crunching quarterly numbers.
He let out a sigh to his secretary, "this job is really dull. If I have to be
here another year, I'm going to neck myself."

His secretary nodded. "I'm sure the stress is getting to you, with the new CEO
and all that."

Paul sighed again. "Yeah... he's a hardass." He went back to his Microsoft Excel
file, preparing another quarterly profit report, when his secretary heard a
knock at the office door.

"Hi, I've been cleared by security. Can I come in?"

It was none other than Linus Torvalds.

Paul was aghast. What could the creator of Linux want with a career man at
Microsoft? What conversation could they possibly had? The two had nothing in
common whatsoever. They were very different personalities. Nonetheles, Paul
was intrigued. Something told him he had to talk to Linus that day.

"Okay, let him in," he told his secretary.

Linus walked in redolent of cologne. It was a certain irresistible scent that
Paul found himself oddly attracted to. He had never been attracted to a man in
any way before, but Linus seemed unique in a way he couldn't put his finger on.

"Hi, Paul. I need your help."

A look of shock came upon Paul's face. He began to sweat a little. What could
his biggest enemy want with him? What could he possibly want? He tried to hide
his reaction.

"W... What do you need my help with?" Paul said, in a bemused tone.

"I need you to be a third-party arbitrator. Things have gotten so complicated,
and I can't come to anyone else. It has to be you."

Paul didn't understand, but was intrigued. "Go on," he said, still confused.

"Okay, so, Richard Stallman, Eric S. Raymond, and I... some really, really
confused stuff has gone on between us. I don't know what to do, Paul."

Paul was even more confused by this. "Why can't you go to... Greg
Kroan-Hartshone or whatever his name is? Why not talk to him? Why not Colin
Pina Colada or whoever that guy is?"

Linus grumbled. "Look, now is not the time for jokes. I can't come to anyone.
I have to come to you. You're the only one who can help me save face. It's
something really embarrassing. We are talking so embarrassing, that if word
got out, it would be the end of me. It would be the end of my career."

Paul was intrigued. He always wanted to destroy Linus Torvalds. He thought to
himself, "I'm gonna ruin this whole man's career, right now. I'll make him
regret all of those Microsoft penis jokes and those Microsoft Works smart-ass
wisecracks." He resisted the temptation to rub his hands together.

"Okay, let's hear it, Linus."

Linus sighed. "Here's the thing. Nobody is gonna believe I ever came to see you.
Nobody. So whatever I say here, I don't care. You can tell the world, and you
know what? They aren't going to believe a fucking word. Not a single one. With
that out of the way, let me tell you what I need."

Linus took a deep breath. "Okay. So basically, things have gotten complicated
between me, Eric S. Raymond, and Richard Stallman. I keep thinking constantly
about the licensing disagreements between us with no end in sight. I want a
solution that helps us all save face."

Paul looked at Linus with a bemused face. He had never touched a libre license
in his life, and he wasn't about to start now. Somehow though, he knew he had
to help Linus. Something, and he couldn't think of what, told him that turning
away Linus would be walking away from something big. Maybe he could persuade
Linus to adopt a proprietary license or special agreement for Microsoft and
Linux if he helped.

"Okay. I'm in. I got four weeks paid vacation left. I assume you need me to
moderate, as a neutral and disinterested third party?"

Linus shifted awkwardly. "I was hoping you'd have some interest... but... well,
you'll understand when we get to Cambridge."

"Cambridge? Are we going to meet at RMS's flat? That man is disgusting. I saw a
video online of him eating something from his foot. No way I'm going anywhere
near that man!" Deep down, Paul wanted nothing to do with RMS's ideas of freedom
and open source. He was just looking for an opportunity to persuade the head
honcho of Linux to do a favour for Microsoft. He certainly wasn't going to go to
some greasy neckbeard's disgusting flat, with his filthy futons so bad, they
were a legend even in Redmond.

Linus quickly relented. "Okay, okay, Paul, we can..." He hesitated for a moment.

"We can meet in Pennsylvania. ESR washes."

Paul was relieved. He was more politically aligned with ESR to begin with, so he
knew this would help smooth things over. "Okay. Pennsylvania it is. We'll meet
next week?" He marked his calendar.

"Sounds good. You can find ESR's address online. I'll let him know."

CHAPTER 2: The Neckbeard

Richard heard a knock at his door. He wasn't expecting guests at this hour, and
the sex party wasn't set to start for another hour.

"Go away," Richard said. "You're way too early. I'm busy writing a piece about
the virtues of voluntary celibacy."

"No, Richard. It's me. You remember."

Richard was agahst. Could it be Linus? He was incredulous.

"Is that you, Linus?" He remembered the last time they met. "I've committed my
life to celibacy, go away."

Linus wasn't coming away empty-handed without his man. "Richard, I know you're a
volcel now. But I really need you to open up. This is about licensing."

Richard was intrigued. Perhaps at last, he could convince Linus to use the GPLv3
for the Linux kernel, and heal the rift he had created. He could convince Linus
the evils of Tivoization and to change his ways.

"Okay, Linus. I'll bite. But I demand a moderator. No proprietary bullshit one,
either."

Linus smirked. He had him. "I have a neutral third-party moderator. Don't worry
about who it is. I'm sure you'll find him perfectly fine. He may need some...
persuasion about the FOSS thing, but you're great with that." Linus knew this
wasn't true, but he knew it would hit the spot and draw him in.

Richard sighed. "Okay, is it here, or is it at MIT? I don't think I'm welcome at
MIT ever since... uhhh..." He awkwardly coughed. "well, I'm just not welcome
there."

"Oh dear God, may I ask why?"

"Some things are better left unsaid," Richard awkwardly interjected.

"Oh-kay... anyway, this is in Pennsylvania, we'll do it at ESR's place. Next
week. Plenty of time to swap source code."

"Sounds like a date!" Richard wrote it into his calendar, and crossed off a
speaking engagement at a conference about the anti-shower movement.

CHAPTER 3: The Republican

Linus pulled up to a small house in Pennsylvania. He got out of the car and
knocked on the door.

"Linus!" A surprised Eric S. Raymond answered the door. "Aren't you a sight for
open source eyes?"

"Hi Eric. I need you to do me a favour..." Linus teased.

"Shoot." Eric was ready to do what Linus asked, finding the allure of his
Perkele to be very strong. He sniggered to himself, thinking he made a funny
pun about his gun activism.

Linus ignored the awful pun. "So, I am having a conference here in Pennsylvania
next week. I know, I know, an awful place. You don't have to tell me that.
Anyway, can you help house it? Paul Allen, me, and RMS will be there, and I'd
appreciate it if you were there too. This is strictly a closed-source
conference between the four of us, no outside guests."

Eric gulped. He kne he had lots of confused feelings for Linus. He had even more
confused feelings about it being closed-source. But he knew he couldn't pass up
the opportunity to see Linus and RMS again...

"Okay. I'll host it. When will it be?"

Linus grinned ear to ear. "Next week! I'm bringing my pistol too. We can shoot
together."

"Oh my," Eric interjected. "I'll shoot with you any day!"

Linus smirked. "Hope your gun's loaded next Wednesday."

Eric giggled with glee. "It's a date!"

CHAPTER 4: The Rendezvous

Linus picked up Paul and Richard from the airport. He drove them, this time in
his rental from Avis and not the cheap place Eric suggested in Scranton, covered
in Confederate flags. He wasn't a believer in the free market like Eric was, but
had a more healthy outlook on economics.

Linus came up to the door with the two of them and a briefcase and rang the
doorbell.

"Come in, come in!" Eric said with enthusiasm. He gave Richard the eyes. Richard
had to shower because of airport security, but he still had his characteristic
musk, that always seemed to return. Eric wanted more than anything else in the
world to smell Richard's balls again. It was redolent of the man he loved so
much.

Since Eric's dining room table was covered in AR-15's, they chose to meet in
Eric's bedroom. Linus then introduced Paul to everyone.

"Paul is the only stranger here to us all. We've all... met before... heh. So
he works at Microsoft... I'm sorry, Richard. He's the moderator. Please just
try to get along..."

Richard was incensed. "Paul... Allen? *That* Paul? Oh my God, Linus, why would
you appoint him moderator? This... this proprietary salary man! He is the
epitomy of everything wrong with software!"

Linus sighed. "He's the only one that can't blackmail us for our... past. No one
will believe him. He works for Microsoft. That's like the open-source devil."

Richard relented. He admitted he had a strange attraction to Paul. It was a bit
like the excitement of an affair, or so he imagined, after all, only having had
sex twice in his life.

"Let's get started." Linus opened his briefcase.

CHAPTER 5: The Four-Way Roshambo

Linus had a wide variety of ropes, gags, and other assorted bondage gear in his
suitcase.

Paul was agahst. "Linus, what the Hell is this??? I came here to have a
wholesome discussion about licensing, and now you have ROPES? What on Earth are
you thinking Linus? You're out of your mind!"

Linus shushed Paul. "Listen here, I know something about you. You remember Joey
from your college days? You shared a frat with him. He told me all about your
gay sexcapades and experiments, and how much you enjoyed every moment of it
all. You liked keeping it proprietary even then. You never told anyone else."

Paul blushed. He tried to say something, but he could only stammer.

"Yeah, that's right. Joey... he's into FOSS now, Paul."

Paul didn't know what to say. He felt betrayed by this friend of his from a
long time ago. And yet, for some reason, the more he thought about it, the more
he realised that, he, too, had feelings for Linus and Eric. Even Richard, in the
sort of way one feels about a person when they have a strong desire to hatefuck
them. After all, Richard was like a forbidden fruit, and if Paul's philandering
with his secretary taught him anything, it was that he enjoyed the thrill of a
closed-source sexual gathering.

Linus smirked. "The thing about being a moderator in a discussion about open-
source? Yeah, that was a sham. I'm here to do so much more."

Paul's legs shook and trembled. He finally managed to speak after a moment.
"Okay... I'll have you know though... I'm a top. Like, the toppiest top you've
ever met. The Halloween documents? That was me. I'm a dominator everywhere."

Linus grinned. "I was hoping you'd say that." He prepared to submit to Paul's
clauses.

CHAPTER 6: Richard's Dick

Paul smirked. He was a seasoned rigger from playing around with his wife and
six of his secretaries, not to mention his wild college days. He bound them
all by the hands behind them and gagged each of them. But he had another trick
up his sleeve. He suspended them all by their arms from the ceiling, and had
ropes around their legs suspended from a hook, so he could freely rotate the
hapless open-source men.

"I'm going to bind you with some licensing clauses you've never seen before,"
he boomed.

Richard moaned with pleasure and became visibly erect. Linus was almost confused
as to what was happening but he knew he liked it. Eric wasn't usually one to get
suspended from his own ceiling, to say the least, but was turned on by Linus's
perkele again.

Paul smirked. "Prepare to swallow my source."

Paul turned Richard upside down from the ropes and dropped him down to the level
of his throbbing dick. Despite all the jokes, he was neither micro, nor soft. He
ungagged Richard and then shoved all nine inches into Richard's throat. Richard
gagged and tried to cough, but still found himself in the throes of utmost
pleasure. He was accustomed to Microsoft dominating the industry, and now
Microsoft was dominating him.

"Don't forget, Richard, you can't tell anyone about this. This has to be
proprietary."

For the first time in his life, Richard nodded. He loved being dominated by a
career CEO, and he couldn't figure out why.

Paul let out a large grunt and spilled his seed down Richard's throat. Richard
gulped in desperation, wanting to see Paul's source. He wanted the whole ZIP
file downloaded into his mouth. He was usually a fan of tarballs, but in this
case, he made an exception.

Paul grunted as he came dozens of ropes into Richard. "God, how does it feel?
Being dominated by Windows. We have 80% of the marketshare for desktops, and
I have 80% of the share for cum and dick here."

Paul pulled out to listen to Richard's response. "This isn't open-source...
it's so wrong, but it feels so right. How can a proprietary dick taste so
good???"

CHAPTER 7: The Cathedral And The Bizarre

Paul smirked and put the gag back on Richard. He turned his attention to Linus
and Eric.

"Okay, for you two, something special." He ungagged them both and turned Eric
upside down.

Paul laughed. "You're gonna suck each other off, 69." He pushed Eric and Linus
into each other.

Linus and Eric began eagerly sucking each other's dicks. The smell of Richard's
balls and the stench of his ass began to turn Eric on. Linus was repulsed, but
played through the pain. He wanted Eric's pull request and he wanted it
yesterday. It wasn't every day he could express the gay side of himself.
Besides, he found the idea of this being a forbidden act and his wife not
knowing to be an incredible turn-on.

Linus took Eric's large dick deeper into his waiting mouth and into his throat.
Eric moaned with pleasure as he took in Linus's equally-matched wang into his.
Both rocked in pleasure and moaned as they approached climax. Linus, being into
edgeplay, stopped sucking at strategic points, to keep him from releasing his
source as long as possible.

Eric, being frustrated with the cathedral-like ways of Linus's teasing, bit
Linus's long member to send a message, but didn't do so too hard. He didn't want
to be on the wrong side of Linus's perkele. It was just enough stimulation to
get Linus to push his source deep into Eric's waiting repository. As Linus began
to cum, Paul inserted a large dildo from Linus's bag into his gaping ass, making
him cum even harder. It was an open-source dildo, but Paul didn't mind. It was
what was on hand. The fact it wasn't made with AutoDesk CAD on Windows on a
commercial 3D printer was of no consequence in the moment.

Linus decided that he wanted to get Eric off, since he had just finished. Paul
moved the open-source dildo into Eric's waiting behind. Eric unpacked his thick
tarball into Linus's home directory. Eric moaned loudly and gasped. He removed
Linus's shaft from his mouth. "Take me to the bazaar, Linus!" he screamed. He
blew his massive load of source code. Linus swallowed it all.

CHAPTER 8: The Aftermath

Paul removed them all from the ceiling and removed the gags. Eric and Linus
looked at each other with loving eyes. Richard looked at Eric lustfully. He
wanted nothing more than to sleep with Eric, but he was denied and everyone
was spent. He felt almost cheated, but Paul almost made up for it.

"Eric... I love you, but I want to share the love. I want us to be lovers at
last. All I could think of up there, while Paul was pushing his source into me,
was you. I want to give up my life of voluntary celibacy. I want to be with
you, but I can't promise exclusivity... you know that."

Eric sighed. "You know I can't do that. The only one here I truly have feelings
for besides you, is Linus, and we all know he's married..."

Linus sighed. "You're right. I can't give up my wife for this. It wouldn't be
fair for her, and you know... I can't keep making trips like this without
raising her suspicion."

Richard sighed. "I understand..." He held back his tears.

Eric looked into Richard's eyes and gave him a deep kiss. "We have shared
something special, Richard. We shared our source with each other. We showed
each other the code. We put aside our differences on licensing and found
something special. I just... I can't share you, not with anyone else but
Linus, maybe. That's just how I am. I want it to be different, I really do..."

Richard looked at Linus and Paul. "Thank you for bringing me here, Linus," he
breathed.

Paul sighed. "Same to you, Linus... we should go."

They all began to leave when Paul turned around as he left.

"Eric?"

"Yes?"

"We should do this again, together. Maybe make this a yearly event. We can call
it a 'conference,' you know?"

"Yeah, yeah, definitely." Eric said. He knew in his heart he lusted after this
again, and he knew he wanted to get to know Paul more.

CHAPTER 9: Eric

Eric went to his backyard and sighed. He opened a Coors Light, the beer he had
once heard Ayn Rand enjoyed.

"You know, I miss those guys," he said to himself.

He picked up his pistol and prepared to shoot at three bobbleheads. He paused
for a moment.

"I can't shoot their effigies," he thought.

He shot at his usual target, a paper target on his shed, instead. Dead center
from 100 yards, each time.

EPILOGUE

Later that year, Paul Allen died of cancer. Linus, Eric, and Richard all went to
his funeral. They had lost their moderator, but had not lost their friendship.
Paul had brought them together, but it seemed unlikely they would cross paths
anytime soon again.

Against the backdrop of growing rifts in FOSS, the three went their separate
ways. Linus and Eric distanced themselves from Richard after controversial
comments he made about Epstein. Richard devoted his life to celibacy once more,
this time for good. He just couldn't have his heart broken again like that.

Richard swore to himself he would never speak to Eric again, and to this day,
he's kept that promise.

Linus went back to the Linux kernel, keeping silent on all that had transpired
that year.

Eric went back to being his usual Republican-in-Libertarian's-clothing
lifestyle. He never spoke to either Richard or Linus again, especially after he
touted his support for Trump.

</pre>

Previous: [[Sporks:The Anti-Patent Clause|The Anti-Patent Clause]]

Sporks:The Anti-Patent Clause

2020-09-08T09:28:13Z

Sroracle: breadcrumb

<pre>
The Anti-Patent Clause
A Bad Fanfic by Elizabeth Myers

FOREWORD

I've always enjoyed the genre of horror. I also enjoy things that warp expectations and challenge people's morals, albeit in a way that doesn't create offense, but merely disgust. I understand some may find these slashfics to be disgusting or offensive; I urge these people to shove it up their ass, and remember that these are entirely works of fiction (I hope).

Untethering the mind and allowing yourself to think about something in a new way is the backbone of intellect and innovation. This innovation may be greasy or even fucking disgusting, but is nonetheless still innovative. Furthermore, the unbridled ability to write about anything, even topics which some may find distasteful, is the foundation of a free society. It is with this that I justify the writing of this fanfiction.

This all being said, I never intended my original fic, POSIX Me Harder, to be anything but a joke. It was intended to be a slashfic that continues the premise of GNU's Not Eunuchs to a more "satisfying" conclusion. Part of this is the fact I'm an incorrigible troll. I've been inspired to continue by the IRC user known as "calvin", on Interlinked, also at @calvin@cronk.stenoweb.net. I'm not sure why I've listened to him, or any motivations beyond this.

Perhaps I am motivated by some subconscious desire to be an edgelord, but I firmly believe it would put me in a separate category from most edgelords. I don't want to joke about ethnicity, biological sex, gender, or any inborn traits of a person. I just want to make horrifying smut. Perhaps this could be considered an elaborate Aristocrats joke in a way.

You might ask, "do you gain sexual gratification from writing this?" The answer is a resounding "fuck no." I'm kind of horrified I wrote these, in fact. But the show must go on. I'm in too deep.

I hope in some way, you too gain a perverse enjoyment and vague sense of horror from this.

Let's do this.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 1: The First Meeting

Eric S. Raymond arrived at the house of Linus Torvalds on a bright sunny day. He parked out front and knocked on the door.

"Hey, Linus," Eric said.

"Uhh... hello... Eric..." Linus was confused. He wasn't entirely sure why Eric would come to his house. He hoped it wasn't to exact vengenace at the end of an AR-15.

"Are... are you armed?" Linus sheepishly asked.

Eric smirked. "Well, I'm armed with /something/, but nothing that would cause injury."

"Oh... kay..." Linus was not really sure what Eric was going on about here. "So what uh, brings you here?"

"May I come in?" Eric asked, with a wry smile.

"I guess..." Linus was unsure of what to make of this, but decided Eric was harmless.

Eric had a seat at Linus's table. "So what brings you here?" Linus asked.

Eric sighed. "Linus, I know we've had our disagreements, but I think ultimately, we're allies." Eric paused for a moment. "Linus, we're both vested in the future of Linux, and I have been a huge booster for the project historically. Whatever disagreements we've had are just small."

Linus paused to think. "This is true, Eric. I suppose it's not a big deal. Is this all though?"

"No, Linus." Eric paused for a moment.

"Linus, I want you to come on a trip with me to Cambridge."

"I can't just fucking up and leave," Linus scoffed. "I have a family, I have responsibilities. I mean, shit Eric. I know you don't got a family and don't get it, but come on."

"This is important. Very important," Eric said in an adamant tone. "Consider it a trip for business."

Linus became suspicious immediately. What exactly were Eric's intentions? "Out with it, what is it?" Linus asked, rolling his eyes.

Eric looked at Linus. "I want to have a conference with you and Richard M. Stallman. To discuss licensing. I think we can find common ground if we work together."

Linus sighed. "The GPLv3 is a fine license, as I've said before, but... that patent clause..."

Eric looked at Linus. "We all see the writing on the wall. Patents are going the way of the dodo. You know it as well as I do. This is a minor thing, and I think we can persuade Richard M. Stallman to direct his efforts elsewhere. We can get a fixed GPLv4 and end this rift once and for all, this rift which is clearly harming open-source. Now, I'm a BSD-license advocate, everyone knows this, but I think compromise is possible."

Linus pondered for a bit. "I'll have to sleep on it," he said.

Eric got up and began to walk out. Just before leaving, he said to Linus: "hey, think about it, this is a good opportunity."

Linus nodded. "Yeah. Yeah..."

CHAPTER 2: The Dawn Of The Second Day

Eric returned to Linus's house and knocked on the door. Linus immediately knew it was Eric.

"Alright. I talked to the missus, and she understands. For work, well, I make the fucking Linux kernel, I'm like a God, I can do whatever I want. I put Greg in charge of merges for now."

Eric was excited. "Okay, let's go. I've booked us both a flight now."

Linus was surprised at Eric's planning. "I hope you made those tickets refundable."

"Oh, of course, why wouldn't I? I always buy refundable tickets. The free market will correct itself if everyone does this, and they'll only sell refundable tickets."

Linus eyerolled. "I don't wanna talk politics right now, man."

Eric sighed. "Alright."

Eric returned his rental and they both boarded the plane with their effects.

CHAPTER 3: The Landing

A few hours later they landed in Boston and Eric immediately rented a car from a sketchy local shop with "DON'T TREAD ON ME" and Confederate flags everywhere. Linus raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah, I know this guy, he's cool, and he gives me good discounts. Hand of the free market," Eric said.

"I'm not really sure how cool someone with a Confederate flag can be, but whatever, let's just... never mind." Linus was just glad he wasn't paying for it.

"What's wrong with a Confederate flag?" Eric noted. "I mean, he's allowed to believe what he wants."

Linus groaned. "Dude, what did I say about politics?"

Eric sighed. "Okay, okay. Fine."

They rented separate hotel rooms at a local hotel called "Motel de Casa." "Cheapest rates," Eric noted. Linus wasn't thrilled with the quality of his room, but he resigned himself to it. After all, Eric generously paid for it, and ESR is not a man known for his generosity.

"Man, Eric's a fucking sleazy cheapass," he thought. He turned on the TV. "Not even complementary HBO, fuckers," Linus griped.

He watched some reruns of The Simpsons, then went to bed, preparing for tomorrow's meeting.

While Linus slept in the next room, Eric tossed and turned. "I hope this is enough... I hope Rich knows I've changed," he mumbled. "I'll just need to convince Linus..."

CHAPTER 4: The Second Meeting

The two went to Richard M. Stallman's apartment in Cambridge and knocked on the door.

"COMING!" Rich shouted. Eric sniggered.

"Why the snigger?" Linus asked.

"Oh, nothing, uh, I bet he's gonna show up in the buff or something," Eric sniggered.

"Hah, probably," Linus mumbled to Eric.

RMS showed up with an ill-fitting robe and cash in hand. "Oh... you're not the pizza man," he said with surprise. "What brings you here Eric... and why'd you bring Linus?"

"Can we come in?" Linus asked.

"Sure, sure, come right in. Make yourself at home," Richard invitingly said. The apartment smelled strongly of musk and unwashed laundry. Linus nearly gagged at the smell, but Eric seemed to take it in with almost a sense of pleasure.

The two sat on futons placed on the floor, possibly the greasiest, crustiest futons in all of New England.

"Rich, I wanna talk licensing," Eric said.

"Go on," Richard said. He thought finally that Eric and Linus had seen the light, and that the GPLv3 was the one true path.

Eric knew then his plan was unfolding as he intended.

CHAPTER 5: Courtship

"I thought about what you said that day, Richard," Eric said. "I thought a lot." Eric opened a satchel with lube, various ropes, and leather.

"Woah woah woah, what the Hell man? This is about licensing!" Linus exclaimed. He wasn't prepared for this at all. "I didn't come here to be part of some bizarre sexcapade."

Eric said to Linus, "haven't you been curious what it's like to be with another man?"

Linus squirmed. He admitted to himself he might have been bisexual. But he wasn't sure.

"Uh... I... uh... I'm married, Eric. I can't do this," Linus stammered.

Eric was prepared for this. He immediately responded. "Linus, we can satisfy you in a way that no one else can..."

"We?" Linus was confused, but slowly piecing things together.

Richard wasn't planning on having sex today, or ever again, frankly. He was surprised to learn Eric had planned a threesome. He wanted to share the love. "Wow, he's... changed... he believes in freedom," Richard thought.

"Linus, I have been with Eric," Richard admitted. "He's gentle. Don't be afraid."

Linus was still nervous. "But... why here in this... this place?"

"No time like the present, and why not?" Eric responded.

"O... okay, I'll try it once. Fuck it. But I'm on top. Perkele and all that. And Richard, God DAMN, you STINK. Go take a fucking shower."

Richard got in his shower and got out his Lavender body wash, which he had for occasions where it was demanded he have some semblance of hygiene. He obediently and quickly showered as Eric and Linus patiently waited.

"Wait a minute, Linus, I'm always on top, Eric said curtly, "I don't bottom for anyone!"

"I am the Dictator For Life of the Linux kernel and you will do as I say!" Linus demanded.

Eric was shocked. No one had ever stood up to him in the bedroom before, yet he found he liked it. He knew it was in his rational self-interest in getting laid to submit to Linus's overwhelming authority.

"F... fine." He was expecting to be the dominator here, but he was being put in his place. He found it oddly arousing.

Both waited patiently for Richard to finish his shower, his first in months.

CHAPTER 6: The Pecking Order

Richard got out of the shower redolent of Lavender. Eric was slightly disappointed, enjoying Richard's musk, but also an admirer of the Lavender scent. He himself used the same sort of body wash.

Linus, being an experienced kink with his wife, immediately dominated the two. He rummaged around Eric's case and looked at the equipment inside.

"Put on the collar, face mask, and gag, Eric, right now." Linus was adamant. Eric obeyed.

Richard was in shock. "Proprietary love! I don't believe this!" he shouted.

"Dick, put all of it on too," Linus demanded.

"This passion isn't libre... but..." for a moment, Richard suspended his principles of freedom, for a chance to make love with Eric once more. Richard, having meditated on it before, knew he was a sub, and wanting to have passion with Eric once more, obeyed Linus's command. His long beard snagged in the zipper, and his head was ill-fitting, but he didn't mind.

Linus, being an experienced project manager, established the pecking order. "Here is how this is gonna work," he said with authority. "I'm gonna top Eric. Eric, you're gonna top Dick. Got it? Good. These are the terms of my license. It's my show now. This will not be libre. This will be proprietary between us, under NDA. A gag order." He chuckled at his joke a bit.

Eric tried to speak but was muffled by the gag, but nodded in agreement. Richard did nothing but nod. Both immediately got on all fours.

"Let's get this party started," Linus said, with a tone of relish.

CHAPTER 7: The Heat of Passion

Linus ordered Richard to get into position, with Eric on top. He passed Eric the lube.

"Lube him, then lube yourself," Linus demanded. "But not too much. I like a bit of interpersonal friction. Keeps people in check."

Eric obeyed. He wasn't used to bottoming, but was turned on by Linus's perkele. "I wasn't expecting all this!," Eric thought to himself.

"Now top him, make him open his repository, unpack your tarball inside him," Linus demanded.

Eric mounted Richard, taking in his scent, his musk faintly detectable in his hair. Eric was aroused by this and immediately got hard. He began thrusting into Richard deeply. Richard let out a moan through the gag. Although he had restricted covenants at the moment, he found he felt free with Eric's love rocket inside him.

Linus tied ropes around the two to tighten them together, like a set of reins. To this he added ropes around their love packages. He was somewhat hesitant at first, his first time with a man, let alone two men, but he was no stranger to the unknown.

"Let's go." He thrusted hard into Eric. Eric let out a grunt through the gag. He gave Richard some of his love potion upon Linus's entry, a small spurt.

"The source!" Richard thought, and struggled to exclaim, but couldn't through his gag. Linus pulled on the ropes around Richard's genitals, who let out a moan in pain but also pleasure.

Linus pulled in the reins closer as he thrusted into Eric. This restricted the two's thrusting, but both found it very arousing and nonetheless pleasurable. He continued to thrust into them until he exclaimed, "I'M COMING!" and spurted his source into Eric's behind.

Eric, upon feeling the warmth of Linus's genetic source code inside him, spurted into Richard. Linus pulled the ropes around his genitals too, bringing the same feeling of simultaneous pain and pleasure to Eric as well.

Linus then dismounted and moved to the front. With new-found confidence he flatly stated, "Dick, I'm going to suck you off. Eric, you're not to move, unless I move you, you hear me?"

Eric nodded in agreement, and mumbled a bit, but his speech was unintelligible. "This is incredible," Eric thought to himself, "it's like the first time I fired a gun."

Linus then took Richard's member into his mouth and began to suck it, pulling on the reins that tied the two together, causing Eric to thrust. He continued to suck until he felt Richard was close to cumming, then removed his mouth, tugged on the rope around his junk, and gave him a handjob until his source was all over Linus's hands.

"Eat it," Linus commanded Richard, removing his gag for a moment.

"O... okay..." Richard took in his own load into his mouth. "It tastes good," he told Linus.

All three being satisfied, he gave all the ropes a tug, sending waves of pleasure and pain through both their bodies. He then undid the ropes, and commanded them to take off their gags and masks.

Linus wiped his hands clean on Eric's skin. "You both did a good job. I really enjoyed working with you two."

"Yeah... you... you too," Eric said, in amazement about how good that felt.

"I... I never knew I could feel so good from a proprietary system," Richard noted.

CHAPTER 8: All Good Things Must Come To An End

Linus then said to Richard, "that's my patented love-making technique, I have to ask you not do it yourself without asking me."

"That's insane!" Richard exclaimed, being fiercely anti-patent, and knowing the absurdity of this statement.

"I dunno, that seems reasonable," Eric said, not really understanding his hesitation. Eric was a firm believer in the right of others to impose restrictions such as these.

"I can't! I can't do it! Method patents are wrong!" Richard was livid.

Linus frowned at this. "I guess I was wrong about you..."

Eric sighed. "He's a stickler for his morals." He packed up his suitcase. "Convincing him's a lost cause. Let's go, Linus," Eric said with resignation. He knew Richard couldn't be convinced.

The two left the building. Richard sighed and sat alone. "I stand by my principles to the end."

CHAPTER 9: The Aftermath

Eric flew with Linus back to his home in California.

"So, I guess this is goodbye, then," Eric said to Linus.

Linus sighed. "We can't do this again, Eric. I have a family. I have a wife. Imagine if she knew... this has to remain proprietary between us."

Eric sighed. "I know, Linus... it goes against everything I stand for, but... I know." Eric began to walk away.

"Hey Eric?" Linus said, in an understanding tone.

"Yeah?" Eric turned his head around.

"What we have could be special."

Eric let out a sigh. "Yeah..."

"See you at the next conference," Linus said, with a tone of nostalgia. "I won't forget what happened. It's our secret to share freely between us."

"Neither will I... See you around," Eric said, with relish.

Eric walked back to his rental and drove off, Linus watching.

EPILOUGE:

Richard M. Stallman continued to hold wild sex parties in his flat, but once again found no one else would share the love with him. Bitter, he swore off sex forever.

Linus Torvalds resumed his kernel duties, his wife, nor anyone else, the wiser of what had transpired. He simply told his wife, "there's no convincing that man." She understood, not realising the real truth behind that statement.

Eric S. Raymond went back to his house. "Maybe now he can be mine," he thought. "Maybe I can get through to him and make him understand."

Eric thought for a moment. "Maybe he's right... there are benefits to libre love." He went out to the gunrange, with a fully-automatic AR-15, and set up two RMS and Linus Torvalds bobbleheads.

"Here's to you." He cocked the gun and pulled the trigger.
</pre>

Previous: [[Sporks:POSIX Me Harder|POSIX Me Harder]] • Next: [[Sporks:GNU's Not Windows|GNU's Not Windows]]

Sporks:POSIX Me Harder

2020-09-08T09:26:49Z

Sroracle: breadcrumb

<pre>
POSIX Me Harder
A Bad Fanfic by Elizabeth Myers

Richard Stallman was in his live-in office at MIT when he got a knock on his door.

"Come in," he said.

It was Eric S. Raymond, his old poliitcal rival in the open-source movement. The two had many a disagreement over the proper way to license software over the years. It wasn't really obvious to Richard why Eric would come visit him...

"Hello Eric," Richard said in resignation, "what brings you here today?"

"Hey Rich... I wanted to talk to you about something that's been on my mind."

Richard was puzzled by this; although he wrote ELIZA for emacs, he was certainly no psychiatrist. And the two had a really negative history, and deep differences, after all. The two hadn't spoken in years, in fact. Nonetheless, he decided to let Eric speak.

"What's going on, Eric? It must be pretty heavy to bring you to me of all people..."

"Yeah." Eric let out a loud sigh.

Eric continued nervously. "I've been thinking, Rich, you know how we've fought over GPL vs BSD for a long time?"

Richard groaned. "I don't want to debate this again, Eric--"

"No no," Eric interjected, "I want to bury the hatchet." Eric moved around in his chair a bit nervously. "I want to make amends and be... your friend again."

Richard took off his glasses. He had a bewildered look on his face. He really wasn't sure of the motives of Eric here. Eric, you see, wasn't exactly known for conceding a fight, or even giving an inch of ground. Obviously, there was some ulterior motive.

"But what?" Richard thought to himself. "What could Eric S. Raymond want? There has to be a reason..."

Richard looked at Eric with his stone-cold eyes. "I see... so... why now of all times?"

"You see, Rich, I'm getting older. And times have changed a lot since the 90's. A lot of things are acceptable now that weren't then..."

"What do you mean?" Richard asked, very puzzled at this. He wondered where this was going.

"Rich, I'm going to let you in on a secret. I've never married, right?"

Richard nodded, "yes, I assumed it was because you preferred the chase."

"Yeah, Rich, but uh..." Eric built up all the courage he had. He was a master with a gun, but when it came to emotions, they were the master of him.

"You see... I'm... I'm..." He hesitated for a moment.

"I'm gay."

Richard processed it for a bit, bemusedly, then let out a huge laugh. "That's IT? That's all you came here to tell me, that you're queer?! To come out to ME of all people?" Richard was visibly amused. "'I'm gay, Rich'," Richard mocked in a condescending tone. "Jesus Christ, Eric, what the fuck, it's 2018, it's okay to be gay, there's gay Republicans now for God's sake."

"T-there's more, Rich," Eric stammered. He began to visibly sweat as Richard began to laugh a deep, rumbling belly laugh, that only a man of his size could muster.

"Well, out with it, what next, you like it in the ass?" Richard chuckled.

"Rich, I love you."

Richard immediately stopped laughing. He was stunned silent. He had never been told by anyone other than his parents that they loved him, no less a man telling him this. He had no idea what to make of this remark or even how to respond. He quickly rationalised it in his head. "It's a joke, maybe," he thought.

"Come on, Eric, don't fuck with me here," Richard said, incredulously but with a hint of nervousness.

"It's not a joke, Rich. I've known it for years! It's meant to be," Eric pleaded. "We're meant to be together, Rich. You and I. We're made from the same cloth. We believe the same things with software, except minor details. We could be more than just friends..." Eric hesitated a bit. "Yes, yes, I want to fuck with you, I want to share my source with you."

Richard puzzled for a moment. He wasn't ever sure of his sexuality; the subject had never really come up. Now one of his bitter rivals comes in with this huge bombshell. What could he say?

"Uh... Well..." Richard paused. He thought it over carefully as Eric nervously awaited Richard's response. Eric had a look of anticipation of heartbreak on his face.

Richard thought to himself, "I've always been curious... I don't know... I've never slept with anyone in my life. I mean, it's 2018... a man can love another man... and Eric... he does have a cute face, his moustache..." Richard looked at Eric again. "It's so perfectly groomed... and... well..." Richard coughed a bit, and nervously stammered, "I... I have experimented with putting some office supplies up my bum before... the highlighters... and I kind of liked it, I mean..."

Richard looked at Eric.

"Eric... I'm willing to give it a try if you are. I've never made love, you see.."

Eric, now with new-found confidence, told Richard, "it's easy... you let your body tell you what to do. You know what you want... you know you want to make your body free as in freedom... libre love..."

Richard, with some hesitation, said, "... yes... yes I do... I know it... my mind is free as in free speech..." The lust inside Richard was growing by the second, as well as his member at the thought of Eric's bare ass, being caressed with his soft hands.

Eric noticed the growing bulge in Richard's pants. "I can tell," he noted.

Richard knew what he should do. He took off his pants; he went commando, and had no underwear on. The musk of his balls permeated the air. MaMa"Free love... free as in free speech, and free as in free beer."

Eric inhaled it deeply, turned on by the smell. "Oh yes... yes Rich... this is what I've been waiting for... for years... show me the source." He quickly disrobed and removed Richard's shirt.

"So... how do we do this? Do I just... open the repository and commit?" Richard asked.

"Oh, no, I'm always on top," Eric said. Eric pulled out a bottle of lube he was carrying with him. "Let me show you how it's done. Get on all fours."

Richard got off of his chair and onto the futon in his office-home. He got on his hands and knees, and gave Eric ample space to go from behind.

"This isn't going to hurt, is it?" Richard asked.

"I'll be gentle... I know all about project management," Eric promised.

Eric started by rubbing Richard's musky feet. He took in the odors, which most found repulsive, but turned him on. He took in all the scents, the sight of Richard's large frame, his hair, his stone-cold eyes.

"Rich... I've been waiting for this... for so long... for us to finally be free," Eric said.

He rubbed up Richard's thighs and onto his musk-scented ass. He began to rub Richard's large gluteus maximus.

"Join us now... Eric... and share the hardware... my repository is open..." Richard panted, looking at Eric's throbbing phallus.

"You'll be free..." Eric replied. He rubbed the lube gingerly on Richard's bum. This was the moment he waited for for years. He savored it for a second.

Eric then slid his long member into Richard's cavernous cavernosum. He penetrated his sanctum sanctorum with thrusts, at first gentle, but increasing in speed. Richard moaned louder and louder as the thrusts became more rhythmic. Eric had Richard by the shoulders, thrusting deep into him.

"Give me your code! I want ALL your code in my repository!" Richard exclaimed.

Eric gave a few thrusts and then let out a grunt as he came inside Richard.

"Ohhhh! I'm going to tar this up later!" Richard exclaimed. Eric pulled out, still dripping with his source.

"Can I... can I taste it?" Richard asked. Hygiene had never been a concern for him; he wasn't about to start now.

"Ass to mouth?" Eric was slightly disgusted, but felt he had to begrudge Richard. After all, Richard had just helped him fufil a life-long fantasy.

Richard put his mouth onto Eric's phallus and began sucking. Eric held Richard's head onto him, wanting to demonstrate his sexual prowress. He jammed his large johnson into Richard's throat.

"And this is how I share my software..." Eric grunted as Richard obediently sucked on Eric's large member. Eric then let out another orgasm, giving the rest of his seed to Richard. Richard obediently gulped down the sweet source that had come into his mouth. Eric then released him.

"That was... that was incredible..." Richard exclaimed. "I've never felt more free in my life. I haven't felt this free since I incorporated the FSF..."

Eric then said, "this will be our little secret. We don't have to share it."

Richard then said, "no... no Eric... you have to share this experience... others deserve this kind of experience... like the GPL..."

Eric's mood quickly soured. "I thought what we had was special."

Richard quickly shot back, "yes... yes Eric, it is special... that's why everyone must experience this... I want you to bring as many men as you can here... for a fantastic orgy."

Eric then put his pants back on. "Richard, I don't do orgies, I'm a mano-a-mano kind of guy."

"But Eric..." Richard begged Eric, "please... others deserve it..."

Eric shook his head. "I guess our differences really are irreconcilable. Maybe we're not meant to be."

Richard had a tear in his eyes. "Does... does this mean... you don't want to share the source...?"

Eric sighed. "I shared my source with you. I have shared my source with others. But I don't want to have to do it... it's special. I want this to be special between us."

Richard swallowed, trying not to cry. "I'm not willing to keep love like this proprietary."

Eric shook his head. "it's time for me to go... if you decide one day to change your mind, you know where to find me."

Eric left the office, with Richard crying. "First LLVM takes over GCC, and now this. Fuck propreitary systems."

-- FIN --

EPILOGUE:

After this sexual encounter, Richard M. Stallman was approached by the faculty of MIT. Semen and lube was found in his room by the obviously horrified janitors while RMS was at a conference.

He was harshly reprimanded and told he had to move out of MIT; his presence being merely tolerated before, begrudgingly, but this being the final straw.

Richard M. Stallman rented an apartment in Cambridge with his speaking fees, where he stays to this day. He is rumoured to allow orgies and other sex parties to take place in his apartment, but is never a participant. After all, no one really wants to sleep with RMS but ESR.

Eric S. Raymond returned to his home in Pennsylvania. Heartbroken and sad, he took his modified fully-automatic AR-15 to the range and shot a bobblehead RMS in effigy. He then swore to himself this:

"I'm going to make you mine, Rich. One way or another, we're going to share our source... forever."
</pre>

Next: [[Sporks:The Anti-Patent Clause|The Anti-Patent Clause]]

Sporks:Jules Rimet

2020-09-08T09:22:33Z

Sroracle: Created page with "<pre> 19:11 <@ elly> they claim to hail from a small island kingdom somewhere in the pacific 19:11 <@ elly> (and gave a detailed description of where it is on a map an..."

<pre>
19:11 <@ elly> they claim to hail from a small island kingdom somewhere in the pacific
19:11 <@ elly> (and gave a detailed description of where it is on a map and such)
19:11 <@ elly> their hostname is israeli
19:11 <@ jdhore> that doesn't actually exist, mind
19:11 <@ elly> they are requesting to 'borrow' Jilles for two weeks to rebuild their machine god
19:12 <@ elly> (namely Jules Rimet, who as far as I can tell has been dead for 50 years)
19:12 <@ jdhore> elly: jilles can rebuild that/him
19:12 <@ elly> they are very, very insistent that they are 'not a nigger'
19:13 <@ elly> hell, here's the log
19:13 <@ elly> 20:02 <elly> he is your god? Why? O_o
19:13 <@ elly> 20:02 <Jovin> to rebuild Jules Rimet
19:13 <@ elly> 20:03 <Jovin> He is the one!
19:13 <@ elly> 20:03 <elly> Jules Rimet died before Jilles was born
19:13 <@ elly> 20:03 <Jovin> the great creator
19:13 <@ elly> 20:03 <elly> they are unrelated
19:13 <@ elly> 20:03 <Jovin> Jules Rimet
19:13 <@ elly> 20:03 <Jovin> is a machine
19:13 <@ elly> 20:04 <elly> is it?
19:13 <@ elly> 20:04 <Jovin> It was destroyed few days ago, that what was told on TV
19:13 <@ elly> 20:04 <Jovin> Jilles had created this beast
19:13 <@ elly> 20:04 <Jovin> only he can rebuild it
19:13 <@ elly> 20:04 <elly> where is it?
19:13 <@ elly> 20:06 <Jovin> Some people from Oxford destroyed it
19:13 <@ elly> 20:06 <Jovin> the spoke Russian
19:14 <@ elly> 20:06 <Jovin> god damn Ruskies!
19:14 <@ nenolod> what the fuck?
19:14 <@ elly> I am pretty sure
19:14 <@ elly> that this guy is tripping balls
19:14 <@ jdhore> Yeah, i think maybe
19:14 <@ elly> 20:12 <Jovin> ok
19:14 <@ elly> 20:12 <Jovin> Mr elly
19:14 <@ elly> 20:12 <Jovin> Im looking for the one who is ruling Jilles
19:14 <@ elly> 20:12 <Jovin> We want to loan him
19:14 <@ elly> 20:12 <Jovin> for 1-2 weeks
19:14 <@ elly> 20:12 <elly> Jilles is a person; he lives in the Netherlands; you cannot loan him
19:14 <@ elly> 20:13 <Jovin> and pay his master
19:15 <@ elly> 20:13 <Jovin> for his services
19:15 <@ elly> 20:13 <Jovin> Oh, but I have a quite big budget for this
19:15 <@ nenolod> jilles: apparently you are the new god of some island nation
19:16 <@ nenolod> jilles: congrats
19:16 <@ elly> AIUI
19:16 <@ elly> he is offering to purchase Jilles from us
19:16 <@ nenolod> oh
19:16 <@ nenolod> Jovin must be Ryan from DarkMyst then
19:16 <@ elly> 20:15 <Jovin> My king, Touche`
19:16 <@ elly> 20:15 <Jovin> we compence you
19:16 <@ elly> 20:15 <Jovin> next time you visit our Island
19:16 <@ elly> 20:15 <elly> where is your island?
19:16 <@ elly> 20:15 <Jovin> You'll have what ever you want
19:19 <@ elly> 20:16 <Jovin> it's between Taongi Island and Bikar Island
19:19 <@ elly> 20:16 <Jovin> we have here about 400 people
19:19 <@ elly> 20:16 <Jovin> and 33 families
19:19 <@ elly> 20:16 <Jovin> in our kingdom
19:19 <@ elly> 20:16 <Jovin> we have only 4 black people here
19:19 <@ elly> 20:16 <Jovin> really
19:19 <@ elly> 20:17 <Jovin> and they don't show a lot...
19:19 <@ nenolod> LOL.
19:19 <@ elly> ...
19:19 <@ elly> 20:17 <Jovin> you can see it here
19:19 <@ elly> 20:17 <Jovin> http://map.primorye.ru/raster/maps/australia/west_pacific_islands98.jpg
19:20 <@ elly> 20:17 <Jovin> we just want Jilles
19:20 <@ elly> 20:18 <Jovin> to rebuild
19:20 <@ elly> 20:18 <Jovin> Jules Rimet...
19:20 <@ elly> 20:18 <Jovin> :/
19:20 <@ elly> 20:18 <elly> what kind of machine is Jules Rimet?
19:20 <@ elly> 20:18 <Jovin> you see, in our Island
19:20 <@ elly> 20:18 <Jovin> our males
19:20 <@ elly> 20:18 <Jovin> barely get married
19:20 <@ elly> 20:18 <Jovin> with females
19:20 <@ elly> 20:18 <Jovin> you can see why...
19:20 <@ elly> this guy must be tripping
19:20 <@ elly> I can't make heads or tails of this
19:20 <@ nenolod> theory:
19:21 <@ nenolod> and mind, this is just the biggest crock of bullshit I can come up with at present
19:21 <@ elly> the two islands they mention /do/ exist, but there are no islands between them on the map; on the other hand, their claimed island is quite small and might not be mapped, since it's in the ass-end of the Marshalls
19:21 <@ elly> 20:18 <elly> Can you explain why?
19:21 <@ elly> 20:19 <Jovin> because of it, JR was our proffesional haven
19:21 <@ elly> 20:19 <elly> what is it used for?
19:21 <@ elly> 20:20 <Jovin> it used to be our virtual reality
19:21 <@ elly> 20:20 <Jovin> you see?
19:22 <@ elly> 20:20 <Jovin> Like matrix
19:22 <@ jdhore> elly: `according to what i can see, Taongi Island doesn't exist
19:22 <@ elly> 20:20 <Jovin> because of our social problems with the females
19:22 <@ elly> 20:20 <elly> Aha.
19:22 <@ nenolod> theory: in the future, jilles invents holographic projection technology, and this Jovin person has come back from the future to acquire the jilles in order to secure this holographic projection technology
19:22 <@ nenolod> this seems extremely unlikely, so it must be true.
19:22 <@ elly> jdhore: it's an old alias for Bokak
19:22 <@ jdhore> nenolod: before jilles invents it so he can be the one to make billions of dollars off of it?
19:22 <@ elly> jdhore: also, it's Taongi Atoll, not Taongi Island
19:22 <@ jdhore> ah
19:22 <@ elly> 20:21 <Jovin> know, you can see our problem
19:22 <@ elly> 20:21 <Jovin> to atract the local females
19:22 <@ elly> 20:21 <Jovin> JR
19:22 <@ elly> 20:21 <Jovin> was anything to us
19:22 <@ elly> 20:21 <Jovin> until this fucking RUSKIES
19:22 <@ elly> 20:21 <Jovin> had come
19:23 <@ jdhore> elly: I thought he said the British fucked up "JR"?
19:23 <@ nenolod> THE BRITISH FUCKED UP JR MISTER HORELICK
19:23 <@ elly> no
19:23 <@ elly> people from oxford who spoke russian
19:23 <@ jdhore> elly: that'd be British
19:24 <@ elly> 20:22 <Jovin> don't know
19:24 <@ elly> 20:22 <Jovin> Jilles know
19:24 <@ elly> 20:22 <Jovin> knows
19:24 <@ jdhore> elly: The town of Oxford, in Oxfordshire, UK
19:24 <@ elly> (in re 20:22 <elly> what did they do to it?
19:24 <@ elly> )
19:24 <@ nenolod> this is hilarious
19:24 <@ jdhore> pretty much
19:24 <@ nenolod> where is jilles
19:24 <@ nenolod> theory 2: Jovin is from sorcerynet
19:24 <@ nenolod> 'nuff said
19:25 <@ elly> 20:23 <Jovin> #King_Touche`
19:25 <@ nenolod> 19:24 [SorceryNet] There is no such nick Jovin
19:25 <@ elly> yay spam
19:25 <@ nenolod> 19:25 [SorceryNet] Channel Users Name
19:25 <@ nenolod> 19:25 [SorceryNet] #King_Touche`: No such nick/channel
19:25 <@ nenolod> 19:25 [SorceryNet] End of /LIST
19:25 <@ nenolod> 19:25 [SorceryNet] Channel Users Name
19:25 <@ nenolod> 19:25 [SorceryNet] #King_Touche: No such nick/channel
19:25 <@ nenolod> 19:25 [SorceryNet] End of /LIST
19:26 <@ elly> so
19:26 <@ elly> drugs or insanity
19:26 <@ elly> what's the betting
19:26 <@ jdhore> drugs
19:26 <@ jdhore> NO ONE'S that insane
19:26 <@ elly> same here
19:26 <@ elly> the question then becomes, "which drugs?"
19:26 <@ nenolod> 19:26 Irssi: Starting query in staticbox with Jovin
19:26 <@ nenolod> 19:26 < nenolod> hi yes
19:26 <@ nenolod> 19:26 < nenolod> can i help you with something?
19:26 <@ nenolod> 19:26 < Jovin> sorry for all this problems
19:26 <@ nenolod> 19:26 < Jovin> Im really sorry man
19:26 <@ jdhore> elly: hmm...LSD?
19:27 <@ stitch> heroin
19:27 <@ elly> also
19:27 <@ nenolod> 19:26 < Jovin> I come from a litlle Island, you see?
19:27 <@ nenolod> 19:27 < nenolod> yes yes
19:27 <@ nenolod> 19:27 < nenolod> you're looking for the Jilles
19:27 <@ nenolod> 19:27 < Jovin> yeah!!!
19:27 <@ nenolod> 19:27 < Jovin> exactly
19:27 <@ elly> do you guys think we can sell jilles to this person
19:27 <@ elly> and if we do, what will jilles do
19:27 <@ nenolod> elly: we'll sell him a MADE IN CHINA clone
19:27 <@ stitch> elly: i'll just
19:27 <@ jdhore> elly: I think that might be illegal
19:27 <@ stitch> steal jilles back
19:27 <@ elly> jdhore: maybe
19:27 <@ elly> stitch: oh
19:27 <@ stitch> or what neno said
19:28 <@ elly> on the other hand
19:28 <@ elly> actually, no
19:28 <@ nenolod> 19:27 < Jovin> oh
19:28 <@ nenolod> 19:27 < Jovin> thank you so much
19:28 <@ nenolod> 19:28 < Jovin> you are hes boss
19:28 <@ nenolod> 19:28 < Jovin> right?
19:28 <@ nenolod> 19:28 < Jovin> I want to loan him
19:28 <@ nenolod> 19:28 < Jovin> for 7-13 days
19:28 <@ nenolod> 19:28 < Jovin> For a great payment
19:28 <@ nenolod> 19:28 < nenolod> that requires a $23.8 million security deposit
19:28 <@ nenolod> 19:28 < nenolod> the Jilles is state of the art hardware.
19:28 <@ elly> there is no other hand
19:29 <@ elly> nenolod: <333333333333333
19:29 <@ nenolod> 19:28 < Jovin> american dollars you mean?
19:29 <@ nenolod> 19:29 < nenolod> yes. not that nigerian crap.
19:29 <@ nenolod> 19:29 < Jovin> it's our 3 years Island budhet
19:29 <@ nenolod> 19:29 < Jovin> budget
19:30 <@ elly> 20:28 <elly> I see that you are talking with nenolod
19:30 <@ elly> 20:29 <Jovin> not at all
19:30 <@ elly> 20:29 <elly> nenolod is a renowned dealer in Jilles
19:31 <@ nenolod> 19:29 < Jovin> Yeah! forgot to tell you
19:31 <@ nenolod> 19:29 < Jovin> we are all white
19:31 <@ nenolod> 19:29 < Jovin> we have only 4 black people
19:31 <@ nenolod> 19:30 < Jovin> and they aren't violent
19:31 <@ nenolod> 19:30 < Jovin> nenold?
19:31 <@ nenolod> 19:30 < Jovin> some of your servants
19:31 <@ nenolod> 19:30 < Jovin> someone called
19:31 <@ nenolod> 19:30 < Jovin> elly
19:31 <@ nenolod> 19:30 < Jovin> now tries to ask me
19:31 <@ nenolod> 19:31 < Jovin> about our conversation
19:31 <@ elly> :D
19:31 <@ elly> SHE KNOWS OUR SECRETS
19:31 <@ elly> 20:30 <Jovin> he seems to be a little bit crazy
19:31 elly changed the topic of #opers to: please update to charybdis 3.2.1 when it gets released | eu-de.hub is up - european servers are advised to link to it see dotslasher for more details | If you want a @staticbox.net email address message dotslasher (not that anyone will ever use it but meh :D) | elly added as global op | 20:30 <Jovin> he seems to be a little bit crazy
19:32 <@ nenolod> 19:31 < nenolod> she appears to be spying on my PM windows again. i must teach her discipline.
19:32 <@ jdhore> LOL
19:32 <@ stitch> looooool
19:32 <@ elly> 20:30 <Jovin> he said
19:32 <@ elly> 20:30 <Jovin> he wants a deposit
19:32 <@ elly> 20:30 <Jovin> of 24 milions
19:32 <@ elly> 20:31 <Jovin> for Jilles
19:32 <@ elly> 20:31 <elly> that is a little bit too high for this jilles
19:32 <@ elly> 20:31 <elly> say 20 millions at most
19:32 <@ elly> 20:31 <Jovin> dollars??
19:32 <@ elly> 20:31 <elly> yes
19:33 <@ nenolod> yeah technically this Jilles is stolen PDPC property
19:33 <@ nenolod> "oops"
19:33 & stitch removes that "Property of PDPC" metal barcode sticker from jilles
19:33 <@ stitch> wait what?
19:34 <@ nenolod> 19:33 < Jovin> ok
19:34 <@ nenolod> 19:33 < Jovin> you personal problems
19:34 <@ nenolod> 19:33 < Jovin> I won't be telling you what to do
19:34 <@ nenolod> 19:34 < nenolod> i certainly hope not. then you wouldn't get the Jilles.
19:34 <@ elly> 20:31 <Jovin> but why deposit?
19:34 <@ elly> 20:32 <elly> jilles is very expensive
19:34 <@ elly> 20:32 <Jovin> why not a sallary
19:34 <@ elly> 20:32 <elly> if he is damaged, we lose a lot of money
19:34 <@ elly> 20:32 <Jovin> but it's human
19:34 <@ elly> 20:32 <Jovin> how he can be damaged?
19:34 <@ elly> 20:32 <elly> like
19:34 <@ elly> 20:33 <elly> if he loses an arm or an eye or something
19:34 <@ elly> 20:33 <elly> he becomes very impaired
19:34 <@ elly> 20:33 <Jovin> im realy baffeld now
19:35 <@ elly> 20:33 <Jovin> im realy baffeld now
19:35 <@ elly> 20:33 <elly> well
19:35 <@ elly> 20:34 <elly> can you guarantee his safety somehow?
19:35 <@ elly> 20:34 <elly> if so maybe we can do it without the deposit
19:35 <@ elly> 20:34 <Jovin> sure
19:36 <@ elly> 20:34 <Jovin> he'll fly
19:36 <@ elly> 20:34 <Jovin> by our royal plane
19:36 <@ elly> 20:34 <Jovin> and he can bring hes family
19:36 <@ elly> 20:34 <Jovin> and keepers
19:36 <@ elly> 20:34 <Jovin> with him
19:36 <@ nenolod> 19:35 < Jovin> you're hes employer
19:36 <@ nenolod> 19:35 < Jovin> right?
19:36 <@ nenolod> 19:35 < nenolod> at any rate, dead peasant insurance is illegal in the US now
19:36 <@ nenolod> 19:36 < nenolod> so we need a $24m deposit
19:36 <@ nenolod> lol
19:37 <@ nenolod> elly: god only knows what he is PMing jilles
19:37 jilles jilles@jilles.staff
19:37 Ã‚Â¤ ircname Ã‚Â¤ Jilles Tjoelker
19:37 Ã‚Â¤ channels Ã‚Â¤ #mowgli @#staticbox #atheme-project @#opers @#charybdis @#help #freebsd @#juped @#atheme
19:37 Ã‚Â¤ server Ã‚Â¤ alfred.staticbox.net [Serious Business.]
19:37 Ã‚Â¤ Ã‚Â¤ IRC Operator
19:37 Ã‚Â¤ Ã‚Â¤ is using a secure connection
19:37 Ã‚Â¤ hostname Ã‚Â¤ turtle.stack.nl 131.155.140.132
19:37 Ã‚Â¤ idle Ã‚Â¤ 0 days 4 hours 12 mins 17 secs [signon: Mon May 31 22:39:38 2010]
19:37 Ã‚Â¤ account Ã‚Â¤ jilles
19:37 End of WHOIS
19:37 <@ elly> yeah
19:37 <@ elly> I am really curious
19:37 <@ elly> too bad I am not spying on his pm window
19:38 <@ elly> 20:35 <elly> hm
19:38 <@ elly> 20:35 <elly> what kind of salary are you offering?
19:38 <@ elly> 20:35 <Jovin> money
19:38 <@ elly> 20:35 <Jovin> and our export
19:38 <@ elly> 20:35 <elly> like
19:38 <@ elly> 20:35 <elly> how much?
19:38 <@ elly> 20:35 <elly> and what is your export?
19:38 <@ elly> 20:36 <Jovin> about 1,500 dollars a day
19:38 <@ elly> 20:36 <Jovin> and our export
19:38 <@ elly> 20:37 <Jovin> Dolphins, for example... pink pearls
19:38 <@ elly> man
19:39 <@ elly> we could rent Jilles to a pacific island nation for $1500 per day and a pod of dolphins
19:39 <@ elly> how can we lose
19:39 <@ nenolod> <insert dolphinsex.org joke here>
19:39 <@ elly> 20:37 <elly> we will consider your offer
19:39 <@ elly> 20:37 <Jovin> ok my friend
19:39 <@ elly> 20:37 <Jovin> you see
19:39 <@ elly> 20:37 <Jovin> our females
19:39 <@ elly> 20:38 <Jovin> will be happy
19:39 <@ elly> 20:38 <Jovin> too
19:39 <@ elly> so that's why they want Jilles.
19:39 <@ elly> Their females are unhappy.
19:39 <@ nenolod> they want a SEX MACHINE
19:39 <@ elly> thus jilles, presumably
19:40 <@ nenolod> i wonder if we can blame this incident on OpenSEX
19:40 <@ elly> 20:38 <Jovin> ok?
19:40 <@ elly> 20:39 <elly> your offer has been submitted, we shall discuss it at our next meeting
19:40 <@ stitch> jilles: reproducing would not be that bad of a thing
19:40 <@ elly> 20:39 <elly> check back in 3 days in #staticbox
19:41 <@ elly> 20:39 <Jovin> ok
19:41 <@ elly> 20:39 <Jovin> I will
19:41 <@ elly> 20:39 <Jovin> thank you so much
19:41 <@ elly> 20:39 <elly> good day
19:41 <@ stitch> it would probably even out the amount of retarded shit on IRC within the next 20 years
19:41 <@ elly> 20:39 <Jovin> and take care with Jilles
19:41 <@ elly> 20:39 <Jovin> !!!
19:41 <@ elly> 20:39 <elly> we always do
19:41 <@ elly> 20:39 <Jovin> Keep him well
19:41 <@ elly> if I don't remember this in 3 days and the dude shows up in #staticbox, someone remind me
19:42 <@ elly> okay
19:42 <@ elly> who wants to be at the meeting'
</pre>

Sporks:GNU's Not Windows

2020-09-08T09:21:47Z

Sroracle: Created page with "<pre> GNU's Not Windows A horrifying fanfic by Elizabeth Myers FOREWORD I already said much of what I want to say in the foreword to The Anti-Patent Clause. I can add littl..."

Sporks:The Anti-Patent Clause

2020-09-08T09:20:59Z

Sroracle: hole

Sporks:POSIX Me Harder

2020-09-08T09:19:51Z

Sroracle: Created page with "<pre> POSIX Me Harder A Bad Fanfic by Elizabeth Myers Richard Stallman was in his live-in office at MIT when he got a knock on his door. "Come in," he said. It was Eric S...."

User:Sroracle

2020-09-08T09:03:16Z

Sroracle: i figured it out

{{DISPLAYTITLE:User:sroracle}}
No

User:Sroracle

2020-09-08T08:57:15Z

Sroracle: Undo revision 49 by Sroracle (talk)

User:Sroracle

2020-09-08T08:53:04Z

Sroracle: does this work

{{DISPLAYTITLE:sroracle}}
No

User:Sroracle

2020-09-08T08:51:10Z

Sroracle: Created page with "No"

Sporks:Sporks

2020-09-08T08:44:39Z

Sroracle:

This is the main page for #Sporks

no it isn't

[[Category:Sporks]]